Chapter Four

Chapter Four


I hated it when my mother played mother. She was so bad at it now. She hadn’t always been, but as the years passed, the abuse escalated, and she became worse.
I finally convinced her that I could manage without her. Reminding her of the need for her to get dressed sent her racing from the room. I sighed in relief as the door whispered closed behind her. Sinking down onto my vanity seat, I ran my fingers through my hair. I wished, as I often did, that I had my mother’s blond tresses.
Alas, I’d been blessed with Harold’s color, a deep chestnut. Swiveling around I looked in the mirror. I had Lilly’s eyes at least. A deep blue ringed by violet.
But unlike her soulless windows, my eyes screamed of dreams and wishes. Lifting the brush I pulled it through my hair. If left down it would fall well past my shoulders, but for an event like tonight an up-do was in order. I placed delicate clips in perfect locations. The clips were one of a kind, a flashy gift Harold had gotten on a trip to Italy. Each tiny piece was a different color glass. They were beautiful, but lacked any warmth despite their fiery colors.
I painted my lips a demure pink, my eyes a lovely shade of grey. I slipped the ivory dress over my head, listening to the silk sigh over my skin. It hovered just above my knees, kissing my thighs. I stared at an image in the mirror who was not I.
The young woman looking back at me could have more easily passed for twenty than my meager fourteen years. The long hair piled high on her head, sultry eyes staring back. The dress hugged a figure I didn’t know I had. I slipped on the matching shoes and after a last long look, stepped out of the bathroom.
The rabbit lined coat would match nicely and would ward off the night time chill as well, I thought walking into my room to retrieve it.
He was waiting for me as I opened the door. I stopped short in the doorway. He never came into my room. It was my domain. The one place untouched by his hate. My skin crawled seeing him sitting on my bed, his thick fingers tracing the curve of my lamp.
“I thought you might like this.” He was holding my jacket, stroking the innocent fur as his eyes moved over my body. I felt my throat close up as I tried to swallow.
Mutely I extended my hand, my heart fluttering in my chest. He stood moving too close to me. After a tense moment he dropped the jacket into my hand then left the room.
Air exploded from my lungs. My knees shook so hard I fell to the floor. I wanted to cry, wanted to curl up in a ball and weep. Somehow I didn’t.
The ride to the party was long and silent. My mother looked like a wood nymph in green satin. Satin for the wife, silk for the daughter. My brain was too wired to figure that one out. I felt high, not that I really knew what being high felt like, but I was sure it would be something like this.
The party was loud and crowded. People filled the parlor, smells mingling and mixing into an oddly intoxicating scent. Somewhere beneath the alcohol, body musk and perfume was the smell of something delicious cooking.
Harold took my elbow and led me around the many rooms, whipping me from one face to the next until it all became a blur. Eventually I managed to slip away, snagging a few hors d’oeuvres as my body screamed for a few minutes of quiet, some place to be alone.
A pair of French doors opened onto a small terrace. Small was a relative term in the eyes of the wealthy. The terrace was easily the size of half a basket ball court, and lined with overflowing flower pots. I stared at the flowers, feeling sorry for them. Overcrowded all the time, most of them reaching for a sun they would never see.
I stood there in the dark, the chill night washing over my skin, my heart weeping for the flowers. The scent of lilacs filled the air and I felt pure, able to breathe again. With the cool air seeping into my pores, I was tempted to let my hair down, but the gentle wind felt so nice on my bare shoulders.
Closing my eyes I listened as the night birds called to one another. I couldn’t say how long I stood there, breathing in the night, but I remember the moment I sensed him. My body tightened suddenly, from my toes to my nipples. My breath caught and my peace broke. In my mind I watched it break. Tiny pieces falling and shattering; shards of precious peace slipping away into the inky night.
Hands came down on my shoulders and locked me in place. I couldn’t move. It was as if I were frozen.
“Such a lovely place isn’t it, Ashley?” His words were thick, colored with the brandy he so loved. His hands were greasy against my skin. I willed my body to thaw, to run, to move at all.
I blinked.
“You look so…lovely.”
My heart slammed against my ribs, trying to break free of this frozen shell. And then it happened.
I was no longer myself. I was a bird on a branch, an innocent bystander. I felt his hands on my thighs, but they were not my thighs, but they were not my thighs. Climbing higher now to my breasts. Were they mine anymore?
I’m a bird. A beautiful, free bird, flying high into the night away from the despicable scene below me.
I slammed back into myself when he invaded me. A crystalline tear slid down my frozen cheek as my heart broke into a million pieces. A scream fought to break free, ripping its claws against my throat. My mind screamed at him, at me, at the world. I watched the diamond sphere shatter on the ground. Then the world broke.
The lovely marble tile rose up abruptly, eager to meet my face. Pain bloomed and blood trickled from my temple.
A wonderful green whirlwind attacked him. The sounds it made were frightening, something from a nightmare. I pushed myself to my elbow, watching in silent horror as the tiny form of my mother came into focus.
She was amazing. She bit, scratched, tore and shrieked. Harold made a frantic grab for her hair, his eyes going wide with panic when she eluded him. With a howl of fury he managed to grab her, flipping her over his shoulder. Cussing and screaming her threw her to the ground. She was at him in an instant, her nails turned talons bent on rending his perfect flesh.
My heart soared as she lunged, ripping her nails into his cheek. She sounded feral. My brain screamed encouragement, though my mouth was once more defective. People were coming now, to see what the noise and commotion were all about. Someone pulled me to my feet, rough hands on frozen skin. My barrette fell from my hair. I watched it fall, entranced. A tiny masterpiece. One of a kind. It hit the marble and broke, pieces scattering, crushed by shoes.
From eyes no longer mine I watched in unbearable horror as Harold roared, then flung my mother from him and over the terrace railing. Her slender hands grasped the air for purchase that would never be found. Her wide violet eyes found mine, fear seeping into my soul. The crowd surged forward, battering me.
And then there was screaming. An inhuman sound broke the night, chilling the soul. Only too late did I realize the sound came from me.


**********

“She’s alive, barely.” Richard Johnson had spent most of his day being followed by a third year medical student, and was currently on his twenty-sixth hour awake. His eyes were tired and his body was sagging from the two hours he’d fought to save the life of Ashley Marie Jones.
“Oh, thank God.” Jessica dropped her head into her hands, tears sliding down her cheeks. Kirk placed his hand on her thigh, squeezing reassuringly.
“Thank you, Doctor. We sure were worried.” Kirk stood and extended his hand.
Richard looked over the young man with an internal sigh. He knew his type, eighteen, pretty boy with entitlement issues. He knew it was petty and rude but he ignored the proffered hand, tapping his clipboard against his thigh and leveling the young man with a somber look.
“That girl in there almost died from a severe allergic reaction. As far as I’m concerned you’re both culpable.”
Kirk glared at the young doctor, a sneer turning up his lips and baring his teeth.
“Lucky for us we’re not her guardian.”
Richard jerked his head back as if he’d been slapped. There was more here than just entitlement issues.
“When will she be able to come home? Soon?”
Richard’s tired eyes moved to the red head beside the young man, Kirk if he remembered correctly. So young, they were all so young these days. Young and naive.
“She’s stable and eating now. I’m going to monitor her vitals for another hour, maybe two, and then I’ll release her to her guardian. But I will warn you, if she ever gets into a situation like this again it could kill her.”
Jessica nodded, pressing her hands to her mouth, tears staining her cheeks. Kirk wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close.
“Thank you for the information, Doctor.” Kirk sneered, his tone one of dismissal.
Richard stood there a moment; part of him rebelling against the young man’s tone. It was useless of course. He saw kids like this every day. Good kids falling in with the bad. All he could do now was treat his patient and pray for her well being.
Kirk’s grip tightened as Dr. Johnson walked away. Jessica bit back a yelp as he jerked her toward a chair and pushed her into it. He gripped her chin with such force that she cried out in pain.
“Listen closely. We got to school and saw Ashley leaving the grounds with a group of kids. We followed her for her own safety. You saw her pass out and we rushed her here. Understand?” His words were matter of fact, lined with a deadly menace. His dark eyes, bright with challenge, were frightening.
Jessica nodded, pressing her lips together. The threat in his tone was barely concealed. She knew what he was capable of. Wasn’t that what had attracted her to him? The possibility of danger was too sweet to pass up. Her heart slammed in her chest. She let loose a breath she hadn’t been aware of holding when he looked away from her.
The doors slid open and Margret rushed in, her eyes wild and frantic. She hurried toward Kirk and Jessica, her appearance more disheveled than normal.
“What happened? The school called and said you three never showed up! And then I get a call from the hospital. The hospital! Kirkland Ray Kessler you better explain right now!” Margret’s face was a worrisome shade of red, her voice rising in pitch as she addressed her son. She did everything but stomp her feet.
Jessica rushed into Margret’s arms, sobbing as Kirk calmly and expertly lied to his mother.
Margret murmured words of comfort to Jessica, stroking her hair and leading her to a nearby chair. After calming her down, she hustled off to find Doctor Johnson, and fill out paperwork.
Jessica watched her leave. She flinched when Kirk placed his hand on her thigh.
“I never got a chance to tell you how amazing you were.” His voice was soft, barely above a whisper.
Jessica stared at him blankly; her eyes rimmed red, her thigh growing warm under his touch.
“You didn’t forget, did you?” Kirk’s tone was mocking as he leaned closer, his lips brushing her earlobe. “I know I won’t.”
No, she hadn’t forgotten. She would never forget, though her memories were covered with a haze. She would never forget the way his hands felt moving over her body, his mouth upon her, the weight of his flesh. She was certain she would never forget the sounds. Ashley moaning as fever burned through her, Todd’s awful high pitched giggling, the sound of flesh against flesh, Kirk’s growl as he took her, claiming her forever as his own.
A single tear slide down her cheek at the memory. She’d done it out of love, so why did she feel so dirty? So used?
Kirk smiled at her, his eyes filled with a dark insatiable hunger. Her body quivered in response. No matter what her mind said, she couldn’t deny her heart. And her heart wanted him as badly as ever.

**********

I felt as if a thick black blanket had been pulled over me. It was hard to hear, and nearly impossible to open my eyes. Through the muck and darkness I heard Margret’s voice, and the voice of another, lower, smooth, but unrecognizable.
I felt warmth and pressure on my hand. If I concentrated I knew I could squeeze her hand. Mustering what felt like all of my strength I did just that. I couldn’t believe how weak the action left me.
“Doctor Johnson! She squeezed my hand; I think she might be coming around!” Margret’s voice was a mixture of excitement and hysterical panic.
The panic made my heart stutter. Just how bad was I? If she was so excited about me squeezing her hand, I had to have been pretty damn bad. Using what felt like the last of my strength I forced my eyes open.
I blinked rapidly to clear my vision. When my eyes focused I found myself staring up into unbelievably blue eyes, and a gentle smile.
“Welcome back, Ashley.” His voice was a low rumble, the ocean rolling over rocks, soothing and comforting at the same time. He looked young, possibly in his late twenties, and devastatingly handsome.
“Hello.” My voice was rough, scratchy against my throat. I struggled to push myself into a sitting position. The effort left me breathless.
“What happened?”
“Don’t you remember, dear?” Margret asked, gripping my hand so tightly I winced. Her eyes were wide pools of concern. I forced a smile.
The truth was I did remember. I wasn’t sure what was real and what was the result of the high. I pressed my eyes closed as images swarmed me.
Todd and Kirk’s leering faces; Jessica swaying to the music her top gone; Jessica and Kirk moving together, swaying, tumbling. I shook my head to clear the unwanted images.
“Ashley, do you remember what happened?” Margret’s voice wobbled with nerves and unshed tears. How could someone who’d known me for so short a time, cry so much over me?
“No, Ma’am. I’m sorry, but I don’t.” I looked away from Margret only to find myself pinned under the Doctor’s steady gaze. His eyes were the most beautiful blue I’d ever seen. His lips had a soft, lush look to them. His hair was blond, and so thick my fingers itched to run through it. His gaze set my heart to pounding. Some part of me recognized the look that lurked there and was certain something close to it lurked in my own eyes.
“That’s not unusual, Mrs. Kessler. A reaction as severe as Ashley’s can effect short term memory.” His eyes never left mine, his lips quirking in a soft smile.
“I’d like to see Ashley again in two weeks, Mrs. Kessler. I have an office downtown, if you’d make an appointment with my secretary?”
Margret nodded, squeezing my hand. “Of course Doctor, may I take her home now?”
Doctor Johnson consulted his clipboard before answering.
“I don’t see why not. She’ll be a little groggy for a while, but her stats are fine. Goodbye Ashley. See you soon.”
I nodded, unable to find my voice. His eyes stayed with me a moment longer, long enough to make my skin burn with embarrassment, then he was gone.
My life seemed to speed up at that point. Everything rolled into one big blur of movement and motion. Faces flew by, as if I’d stepped onto some nightmare carousel. I breathed a sigh of relief when we pulled into the driveway of the Kessler home.
All I could think of was getting to my room and crawling into bed. Jessica helped me from the van, wrapping her arm around my waist. I couldn’t help but lean on her, though it was the last thing I wanted. My heart beat in shattered pieces; my mind couldn’t, or wouldn’t, wrap itself around her betrayal.
She led me silently up the stairs. Behind us Margret reassured the younger children while telling them to try and stay quiet while I rested.
Kirk’s dark eyes loomed out at me from the photographs lining the wall. A few deep breaths eased most of the chills that dark gaze brought on.
My bedroom was like a haven, safe, clean and untouched. I couldn’t wait to sink into the soft, clean blankets. I sighed as I did just that.
“Ashley?”
I groaned a response, not turning toward her. The evidence of her betrayal lay in the tone of her voice.
“I’m sorry I got you into that mess.”
I stared at the wall, my back to her, heart breaking, I hadn’t thought it was possible for it to break again. Tears slid down my cheeks as the silence hung between us.
“I just wanted you to know that.”
I listened to the rustle of her clothes as she stood; the soft pad of her feet, the clicking of the latch on the door.
When I was sure she was gone I let the tears fall freely, quiet sobs wracking my body. I clung to my pillow, praying to God for guidance on my situation. My body was exhausted and soon sleep called with its siren song.