Chapter Three
The beautiful thing about schools is for the most part they’re all very similar in their layout. I found it wasn’t very hard at all to get lost in the crowd. The day passed quickly, hiding in the background, and before I knew it the lunch bell was ringing, and I found myself shuffled along. Jessica found me in the sea of faces, and led me outside. We talked about our day, her papers and my classes. It was so normal. Almost.
The day ended with English class. I really liked my teacher, Mr. West. I had two papers to write to catch up with the rest of the class, but he was very kind to me. English was by far my favorite subject, and I walked out of school with a genuine smile on my face. It was nice to have something to keep my mind occupied, and off of my life.
Dinner was a mad rush of conversation, papers, and food. Jessica and I escaped upstairs as soon as we could to work on our homework in relative peace. Kirk was waiting at our door. He leered at me as we came up the stairs. That gaze brought a chill to my skin.
“Ladies, have a good day at school?” He inclined his head toward us, his eyes never leaving me.
“Get lost creep.” Jessica rolled her eyes and bodily knocked him out of the way, a small smile playing across her lips.
Kirk smiled a cold smile, evil lighting his eyes.
“Have a good night, Ashley.”
I hated the way he said my name. I rushed into the room and closed the door and locked it.
“Don’t let him get to you, Ash. He’s a loser.” Jessica shook her head, laughing lightly as she flipped on her radio then stretched out on her bed.
I walked toward my bed, pulling out my English book as I sat.
“Kirk looks at me funny.” I kept my voice soft as I paged through my book.
Jessica tapped her pencil against her notebook as she looked up at me.
“Like, funny how, Hun?”
“I don’t know. Just…Funny.” I shrugged my shoulders, looking down at my page, but not seeing it.
“Maybe you look funny to him?” She threw a pillow at me, laughing softly.
“Maybe I do.” I chuckled, holding the pillow to my chest. “Jessica?”
“Yeah?” her pencil scratched along the page, filling the silence. She cocked her head in my direction as she read the next question from her book.
“He looks at Mena too.” My voice was somber. I couldn’t look at her. Kirk had been almost two when Jessica had come to live with them. I didn’t know much about their relationship, and didn’t wish to wander onto thin ice.
“Ashley, Kirk’s a little off, I’ll give you that. He’s had kids in and out of his house his whole life. With me being the only constant. He’s very sweet once you get to know him.”
Something in her tone stopped me cold. She smiled at me and I knew.
“You’re in love with him.” It wasn’t a question.
Slowly Jessica set down her pencil, her eyes large and filled with shock when she turned them on me.
“How could you know? No one knows, I didn’t tell anyone. ” Her voice was a strangled whisper.
“But you treat him so badly! He’s a creep, a loser! You’ve said so yourself!” Panic tinged my words, my heart stuttered in my chest. The sense of betrayal was so strong I thought I would be sick.
“Ashley,” Jessica sat up, leaning toward me, her eyes misting.
“Please,” I begged. “Please tell me I’m wrong.” I gripped her hand tightly, my eyes searching hers for a glimmer of hope.
“Don’t say anything, okay? I don’t want Margret to know. She looks at me as a daughter, you know?” The desperation in her voice tore at my heart. I couldn’t deny her anything.
“I will, but promise me something. Promise me you’ll keep an eye out. You can know someone your whole life and never really know them.”
Jessica nodded, light glinting off the tears clinging to her lashes.
“I know him, Ashley.” Her whispered words were filled with a conviction I’d heard before.
“My mother said the same thing about my father.”
“This conversation is over.” Her words hit me like a slap to the face. Rolling onto my back I stared at the ceiling, fighting tears and praying for guidance.
Morning broke just as rushed as the night before. Margret had an early meeting with the County so the younger children would be taking the bus. Jessica and I would be riding with Kirk.
The tension between Jessica and I was palpable. I wished there was some way I could take back our conversation from the night before. The thought of being stuck in the Jeep with Kirk didn’t thrill me. Jessica sat in front, grinning from ear to ear.
Now that I knew, I wondered how I hadn’t seen it before. All her teasing, constantly pushing or touching him, it was so obvious now. It was enough to make me sick.
“I don’t really feel like going to school today.” Kirk announced, grinning over at Jessica. “What do you say we play hookie?”
Jessica giggled and nodded. “Fine with me, I didn’t want to go anyway.”
“Ashley, you up for it?” His eyes found mine in the rearview mirror. His grin was quick, and slimy.
Like I had a choice? I was trapped in the back seat. I suppressed a shudder and shrugged, feigning nonchalance.
“Excellent.” His voice was smooth as he swung the Jeep around. Horns blared as he cut through traffic, weaving between cars. Jessica whooped and laughed as Kirk maneuvered the car.
My heart leapt into my throat as we narrowly missed a truck. I prayed we would survive this little jaunt into insanity.
Kirk slowed the Jeep as he turned onto a residential street. Small houses lined the dead end road, fighting over sparse postage stamp lawns. The homes cried out for paint and repairs. A woman stood on a sagging porch watering flowers, and watching us with wary eyes.
“Kirk, where are we?” Jessica asked, not quite able to hold back the tremor of fear in her voice.
“A friends.” His voice was cold as he pulled into the driveway of the last house. It desperately needed repair. The paint may have been white at one point, but was now yellowed with age. The front window was broken, wadded up newspaper and duct tape the remedy.
Kirk turned off the engine and looked over at Jessica.
“Don’t you want to have some fun?” His tone was more challenge than inquiry. I shuddered when he placed his hand on Jessica’s thigh.
“It will be cool. Come on, and make sure Ashley comes with you, I believe she’s going to enjoy this.” His hand tightened on her thigh, then he was out of the car and sauntering up the broken walk.
I fought the shudders that threatened to consume me. Jessica turned to face me, the leather squeaking in protest of the motion. Her eyes, wide pools of jade, stared at me. I could see the emotions swimming there, conflicting and colliding as she continued to watch me.
What could I do? I was trapped like a rabbit caught in a snare. If I didn’t go in with her, Kirk would come for me, I was sure of it. I didn’t know what kind of game he was playing, but I was certain I didn’t want any part of it.
“Come on.” Jessica’s voice was soft as she stepped from the Jeep and held the door open for me.
Resigned to me fate I climbed from the relative safety of the car. The air carried a faint smell of old garbage and stale smoke. As we got closer to the house a sickly sweet odor filled my nose, making me gag.
Jessica gripped my hand when a man opened the door. He was shirtless, his skin pale and sallow. His black hair hung in greasy waves to his shoulders. He was dramatically slim, his ribs painfully obvious. His dark eyes were bloodshot and glassy.
“Well hello there.” His voice was a nasal whine, his grin as innocent as a snake. “Now this party can really start.”
He held the door open, forcing us to walk under his arm. His eyes held a hunger I was becoming all to used to seeing.
Jessica gripped my hand tightly as she led me into the dark house. The stench of unwashed man caused me to gag; the smell of the house was no better. The curtains were pulled to dim light fought its way through tears in the grimy material. The floor was sticky in spots making me cringe at the thought of what I was stepping in. Filthy clothes and garbage rested in piles along the narrow hallway. Low music played from the room at the end of the hall, and light spilled from under the door.
“Welcome to my humble abode.” The man opened the door with a hyena laugh.
The door opened into a room furnished with two sagging beds with dirty linens. Kirk sat on the floor, leaning against one of the beds and staring at nothing.
“Dude, you brought girls? You ROCK man!” Our ‘host’ laughed again as he and Kirk shared a high five.
I couldn’t speak, didn’t even want to breathe really. Jessica’s grip on my hand was becoming increasingly painful. I couldn’t help but blame her. It was because of her we were here, in this disgusting place.
“Jessica.” Kirk lifted a hand to her, his voice soft and dazed. A sickly sweet smoke rose from a long, slender object in his hand. It looked like a cigarette, but I knew it had to be something worse.
“Aren’t they beautiful, Todd? I’m a lucky man.” Kirk laughed darkly, his eyes rolling over Jessica’s body, feasting on her.
Chills crawled up and down my spine, like tiny spiders moving under my skin. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end as the door whispered closed behind me.
Trapped.
“Gorgeous, man. Fucking gorgeous!” Todd laughed, the sound grating on my brain. Jessica flinched when he ran his fingers down her bare arm.
Everything inside of me screamed for escape. I wanted to run. To find the nearest decent neighbor and call Margret.
Jessica released my hand when Kirk called her name once more, stepping forward and lowering herself to the floor beside him. His eyes were glassy, and he seemed to have troubles focusing on her. He lifted his hand and ran his fingers along her cheek. I watched in horror as her body sighed, leaning into him.
“So…beautiful.” He wrapped his hand around her neck and pulled her lips to his. Todd giggled hysterically, pressing his fists to his mouth and bouncing on the bed.
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Jessica. She became a stranger to me. I didn’t know this woman, nay, girl, who was pressing herself so intimately against my enemy. I felt as if my heart was too big for my chest. The air became so hot it felt as if it were scalding my lungs. Todd’s annoying giggle continued to reverberate in my skull, the music of my nightmare.
Finally he released her, only to replace his lips with the joint. His eyes were dark, commanding, on hers.
“Do it. For me.” Though he kept his voice soft, the command rang in the air.
In my mind I screamed for her to stop, for us to leave. But she didn’t stop, she couldn’t hear my mind. Her lips closed over the butt, her eyes lighting as the tip flared as she inhaled.
Time crawled by, as if someone has pressed the slow motion button on my life. I watched as Jessica and Kirk finished off the first joint, then light up another, for the moment forgotten. My heart stuttered when she crawled toward me, her eyes glassy and yet luminous.
“Try it, Ash. It’s amazing.” Her words came out slurred, as if her tongue was too big for her mouth.
“No, I want to go home. Please.” My voice was a pitiful whine, tears choking my words. My request fell on deaf ears.
Kirk whispered something that made Todd giggle once more from his perch on the bed. I truly hated the sound of his laugh. My stomach roiled at the mere sight of him. I turned my eyes to Jessica, silently begging that she take me away from this place. She smiled at me, taking a long pull from the joint. Her eyes were captivating, I couldn’t look away. I jerked when she placed her hands on either side of my head. Before I could be sure of what was happening, she pressed her lips firmly to mine her tongue sliding along my lips.
I tried to struggle, but the drug had made her stronger, her fingers dug into my shoulders. Pain surged through me and I gasped, and that’s when it happened. Jessica gripped my face and blew a stream of smoke into my mouth.
Like I drowning man I gasped, inhaling the smoke. I coughed, jerking away from her as my lungs burned. My head felt heavy, the room spun around me. Jessica’s eyes hovered before me. Great shining green orbs of betrayal and deceit.
“Caroline.”
I wasn’t sure if I actually spoke or not, because at that moment my body rebelled, and I found myself falling toward the bed.
I blinked.
It had been a week since I had picked my mother up off the living room floor. Something good must have happened to Harold, because he left my mother alone. For a week we were almost normal. For a week I could ignore my mother’s twitches and jerks. Almost.
When Harold came home in a new car, I knew he must have gotten a raise. He even bought me a new jacket. It was lovely and soft, with white rabbit fur lining the collar. I felt something for him then. Not love, for that was impossible, but something aside from the soul deep loathing I usually felt. If only I’d been smart enough to understand.
During dinner as I was telling my mother about my day at St. Catharine’s, Harold stood and left the table. The pure terror in my mother’s eyes made my stomach turn. She looked after him, her smile disappearing from her face in an instant, her brain trying to calculate what she could have done wrong. She turned her eyes to me, and I shuddered at the animal fright living there behind the iris.
Harold returned a moment later carrying a garment bag. His eyes fell on me and I felt my body recoil from his gaze. Something was different, but I was too young to understand.
“Happy birthday, Ashley.” He extended the bag toward me with a grin.
I could feel the shock that was clearly written on my face. I’d forgotten my own birthday, and from the look on my mother’s face, so had she. I sat frozen, unsure what to do. I watched in horror as his eyes changed from merry to dangerous.
“Don’t you want your gift?” He growled, his brows lowering.
Slowly I stood and accepted the bag. I held my breath as I pulled down the zipper, gasping as the item was revealed. The dress was beautiful, like something my mother would wear. It was a soft, creamy color and very feminine.
I touched it lightly; afraid it would break if I was too rough with it. The material was like water beneath my fingers. I stared at Harold before muttering a thank you. The smile returned to his face instantly, that something more lurking in his eyes returning as well. His large hands rested on his hips as he turned his gaze toward my mother.
“Boss is having a big to-do tonight and we’re invited. We will be going.” When Harold declared something it was as good as law.
“Lilly, help the girl dress, and do her hair right, will you.” It was not a question.
My mother jumped up and scurried around the table to me. Taking my arm she pulled me from the room. We’d just entered the hall when he called out her name.
“Yes, dear?” Her voice broke; she shook as badly as a mouse caught in a cats gaze.
“Wear the green dress, it’s my favorite.”
“Ashley? Wake up, baby.”
I moaned as someone shook me. My head pounded and I felt as if the Sahara desert had taken up residence in my mouth.
“Man! That hit you gave her was pure man! It was milk!”
I nearly screamed as a high pitched giggle pierced my brain. Stars bloomed behind my closed eye lids.
“Shut up you dumbass. Kirk, I think we need to get her to a hospital.”
I moaned as I felt something cool being pressed to my cheek. I was burning alive. I knew I needed to open my eyes but they felt glued closed. My throat burned and I couldn’t feel my body below my neck. Most of me didn’t care. I was floating on a cloud. A cloud made of cotton candy…
“Ashley!” Jessica screamed and suddenly my head exploded. My cheek burned like nothing before.
“Kirk, you bastard! Why did you hit her?”
Jessica’s voice was shrill, her pitch at a level I’d never heard before. Why couldn’t I open my damn eyes? My heart felt as if it was clawing its way out of my chest. The pain was unbelievable. I tried to scream, but all that came out was a pitiful moan.
“Damn it, Kirk! Take her to the hospital now! She’s going to die!”
Why could I only hear Jessica? My mind was bouncing all over the place, running from the pain.
“Kirk, man, I can’t have no one dying, man. I can’t have no cops here, bro!” Todd’s voice was shaky, and getting softer as if he were moving away.
“Fuck.” Kirk, I was sure the explicit belonged to him. Suddenly his scent was all around me. Enveloping, invading me. Strong arms, like steel bindings, wrapped around me and jerked me up. I moaned at the movement, but snuggled close into the strength. It was an odd sensation. I hated this man with every fiber of my being, but now I needed him to live.
“You say one word of this and I’ll rip your fucking tongue out and staple it to your forehead. Understand me?” Kirk’s words were a low rumble against my ear. Soothing and menacing at the same time.
“We’re cool, bro. No worries, man. You’re my dawg.” Todd whined, his voice breaking more than a pubescent twelve year old.
And then we were moving. Long sure strides carried me through the dark house. I found my voice in a shrill scream when we stepped outside and the cool air hit me fiery skin. A large hand cut off my frantic shrieks.
“Damn it, Jess! Keep her quiet.”
The cool leather seats of the Jeep were a welcome balm to my skin. I moaned, murmuring nonsense as I tried to burrow into them.
“Is she going to be alright?” Jessica’s voice was choked with tears, her fingers cool and gentle in my hair.
I didn’t hear Kirk’s response, for my eyes finally opened. The world was painfully over bright, scenes whipping past. It was too much, too painful.
I blinked.
